Thursday, November 1, 2012

God endorses Barack Obama

For God so loved the United States he killed 80 people and caused $20B in damage that whoever believes in Barack Obama shall not want but have everlasting entitlements.   Hang in, the blasphemy has just begun….

Hurricane Sandy is the ultimate October surprise.  There’s a reason these things are called Acts of God.  For fundamentalists of all Abrahamic traditions God controls all things.  So, what’s a religious Republican to think?  Has God chosen a side?  Which side has he chosen?  There’s no way one can deduce that this event helps Romney.  He who wants to cut the Federal government and according to the Democratics, gasp, FEMA too.  This storm doesn’t let Romney look presidential.  He AIN’T the president!! It lets President Obama look presidential!! And what does that mean?  Four more Years!!  God help us or continue hurting us??....whatever.

We all know that God is not going to just descend from the heavens and announce to the world his preference for Barack Obama, I mean, this isn’t 1041 BC uh, E?  I mean, ever since the New Testament He’s been more nuanced than that.  And anyway, Barack isn’t exactly the second coming of King David, so God may be putting some distance between His choice and Himself just so He doesn’t get all the blame when things don’t work out.  Hey, wait a minute, God KNOWS what’s going to happen.  What is he trying to pull with this mind manipulating preemptive ballot stuffing con?  Could it be he wants to PUNISH the United States for all its SINS, like legalized abortion and for not allowing the state to endorse religion?  If that’s what’s pissing Him off, go fuck with Europe, Oh wait most of them HAVE state sponsored religion…they’re just not religious.

Well, the irony just doesn’t quit.  If one has to assume that the events of the last few days supports the theory that God has endorsed Barack Obama then all those good religious Republicans have to rethink this election and do what God is obviously signaling to them.  Re-elect Obama to fulfill God’s plan, YOUR plan for America!!!

The writers at “The Daily Show” should wrote this, not me…I’m just saying…

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